Good Mom vs. Cool Mom
I'm not saying that you can't have both, but isn't there a big difference between being liked by your kids for doing what they might think is cool and being liked by your kids because at the end of the day, they know they can trust that you will always do what's best for them (even if they don't like it). I have been inundated today with thoughts and media examples of what it truly means to be a good mother.
1.) I had the Today Show on this morning and overheard a survey done by MTV of teens with a handful of various questions asked of them. One was, "When are you the happiest?" I was SHOCKED by the answer. The majority of the teens anonymously surveyed said, "When I'm spending time with my family." The other question that got me was, "Who is your biggest hero?" to which the mass majority answered "My mom" or "My dad" (with Mom winning by only a slight majority!). What a breath of fresh air to start my day! To know that in this generation that worships teen-queens and disrespectful influences, at the heart of it all, they want to know that they have their families behind them, supporting them.
It was about at that time that I felt a charge of energy to go and find my kids and let them know I loved them no matter what they did, how special they were to me, how I would never...
Wait. Who's screaming?
"Maggie, why is Rory crying?"
"Um...because I hit him. He can't play in my room with my stuff!"
"Time-out! We don't hit each other in this family....We're O'Quinns and O'Quinns are supposed to love and take care of each other"
What happened to family togetherness and encouragement? Then, after a very hot and stressful trip to the grocery store (where Rory threw a fit about being in the cart, Maggie whined about getting treats and I accidentally parked in a handicap spot but didn't realize it until I came out and was loading my bags in the trunk!) I decided that we needed some fun & bonding.
2.) I saw a recipe in a magazine the other day for chocolate dipped bananas. They looked so good, so easy, fun and 50% healthy. I gathered the kids for some warm family togetherness over a fun activity. Fast forward 10 minutes to chocolate EVERYWHERE, Rory throwing handfuls of sprinkles and nuts on the floor, me telling everyone to "Just get down---but don't touch anything!", & Maggie huffing off because she didn't want to have to eat lunch first. So much for my togetherness activity. Has anyone seen that commercial for paper towels where the little boy accidentally shakes the soda bottle and it explodes all over his mother? Then she smiles and tells him "This is better" and starts squirting him with the veggie sprayer from the kitchen sink? I SO wish that I could be one of those moms but the bottom line is...I don't like messes. I spend my whole day trying to pick up after my kids when I would love to relax and just enjoy them and their messes. I'm sure to an extent it enhances their creativity but it just unnerves me to allow them to haphazardly throw things. I failed miserably at being a cool or good mom for that one.
3.) I was forwarded an article by my Dad (the King of "Thought you might be interested in this" since I was a wee lass) about those divas in Hollywood showing the youth of America just how NOT to behave. Click on the title of this post if you're interested in reading it, but I just loved hearing someone else say that their parents need to step-up and take the blame for what's happening in these poor girls' lives.
Their mothers do not wear plunging necklines or tight, sheer mini-skirts in front of their children. These mothers are not known as the “cool mom” or the “party mom” to their children’s friends. In fact, these parents do something called parenting instead of trying to be friends with their children or trying to fit in with all of their friends with the latest trends and fads. Have these parents have ever bothered to look in the mirror and examine whether or not their bad influence or permissive parenting had anything to do with the trials and tribulations that their daughters are going through?
What a parent can do is provide a solid foundation of upbringing where there are rules and boundaries for maturity and decency. It is this foundation that allows a wayward youth to easily fall back to a structure of values because it was always there since childhood. Integrity, responsibility, respect, and a work ethic are universal values that are taught to children by their parents with years of reinforcement."
I want my children to know that I love them but that inside of that love, I have expectations of them. I want them to be kind. I want them to have compassion. I want them to be respectful, responsible human beings who other people enjoy being around. Today felt overwhelming. I don't know exactly what to teach them other than to lead by example, to pray specifically for these things, and always be a hug and a kiss away when they do good or bad. I guess I'm okay with not being the "Cool Mom" if it means teaching them right from wrong.
1.) I had the Today Show on this morning and overheard a survey done by MTV of teens with a handful of various questions asked of them. One was, "When are you the happiest?" I was SHOCKED by the answer. The majority of the teens anonymously surveyed said, "When I'm spending time with my family." The other question that got me was, "Who is your biggest hero?" to which the mass majority answered "My mom" or "My dad" (with Mom winning by only a slight majority!). What a breath of fresh air to start my day! To know that in this generation that worships teen-queens and disrespectful influences, at the heart of it all, they want to know that they have their families behind them, supporting them.
It was about at that time that I felt a charge of energy to go and find my kids and let them know I loved them no matter what they did, how special they were to me, how I would never...
Wait. Who's screaming?
"Maggie, why is Rory crying?"
"Um...because I hit him. He can't play in my room with my stuff!"
"Time-out! We don't hit each other in this family....We're O'Quinns and O'Quinns are supposed to love and take care of each other"
What happened to family togetherness and encouragement? Then, after a very hot and stressful trip to the grocery store (where Rory threw a fit about being in the cart, Maggie whined about getting treats and I accidentally parked in a handicap spot but didn't realize it until I came out and was loading my bags in the trunk!) I decided that we needed some fun & bonding.
2.) I saw a recipe in a magazine the other day for chocolate dipped bananas. They looked so good, so easy, fun and 50% healthy. I gathered the kids for some warm family togetherness over a fun activity. Fast forward 10 minutes to chocolate EVERYWHERE, Rory throwing handfuls of sprinkles and nuts on the floor, me telling everyone to "Just get down---but don't touch anything!", & Maggie huffing off because she didn't want to have to eat lunch first. So much for my togetherness activity. Has anyone seen that commercial for paper towels where the little boy accidentally shakes the soda bottle and it explodes all over his mother? Then she smiles and tells him "This is better" and starts squirting him with the veggie sprayer from the kitchen sink? I SO wish that I could be one of those moms but the bottom line is...I don't like messes. I spend my whole day trying to pick up after my kids when I would love to relax and just enjoy them and their messes. I'm sure to an extent it enhances their creativity but it just unnerves me to allow them to haphazardly throw things. I failed miserably at being a cool or good mom for that one.
3.) I was forwarded an article by my Dad (the King of "Thought you might be interested in this" since I was a wee lass) about those divas in Hollywood showing the youth of America just how NOT to behave. Click on the title of this post if you're interested in reading it, but I just loved hearing someone else say that their parents need to step-up and take the blame for what's happening in these poor girls' lives.
"What do Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton all have in common? The answer is all that all three girls have parents. These are the people who are supposed to make sure that their kids turn in all of their homework, finish school projects, and study for tests (from kindergarten all the way through twelfth grade). They are nosy parents who want to know who the friends of their children are, where they are going, and what they are doing. And they do a pretty good job of keeping their kids out of trouble and they definitely will not tolerate any excuses for bad behavior.
Their mothers do not wear plunging necklines or tight, sheer mini-skirts in front of their children. These mothers are not known as the “cool mom” or the “party mom” to their children’s friends. In fact, these parents do something called parenting instead of trying to be friends with their children or trying to fit in with all of their friends with the latest trends and fads. Have these parents have ever bothered to look in the mirror and examine whether or not their bad influence or permissive parenting had anything to do with the trials and tribulations that their daughters are going through?
What a parent can do is provide a solid foundation of upbringing where there are rules and boundaries for maturity and decency. It is this foundation that allows a wayward youth to easily fall back to a structure of values because it was always there since childhood. Integrity, responsibility, respect, and a work ethic are universal values that are taught to children by their parents with years of reinforcement."
I want my children to know that I love them but that inside of that love, I have expectations of them. I want them to be kind. I want them to have compassion. I want them to be respectful, responsible human beings who other people enjoy being around. Today felt overwhelming. I don't know exactly what to teach them other than to lead by example, to pray specifically for these things, and always be a hug and a kiss away when they do good or bad. I guess I'm okay with not being the "Cool Mom" if it means teaching them right from wrong.
posted by Carly O'Quinn at
1:29 PM
2 Comments:
I saw that poll on the Today Show as well and was encouraged by that. I'm the same way with messes, especially with all boys. I am constantly reminding myself not to try to take the boy out of them (not that I think that's really possible), but just to let them do boy things, and that usually means making a mess. Maybey when they get a little older our fun ideas will be a little more fun! I think you are a wonderful mom and I always love being around your kids. They are so sweet. I'm still laughing at the story about Rory yelling at you, even that was sweet!
I love reading your stories! I get so excited to see that you posted something new...keep it up!
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