Home from Work
I need to enlist some help from some of you other stay-at-home moms.
I love my job! I get to be the first-hand observer of my kids' learning and growing everyday and maybe even play a part in that learning. I love that my daughter's favorite thing to do right now is to have me sit and do 200 piece Princess puzzles with her. Rory just likes to find me in the middle of the laundry room and bear hug my legs. I couldn't imagine a more rewarding paycheck at any job.
But...(did you see that coming?) why is it that when my husband walks in the door, all I want to do is the proverbial kid hand-off and go have some quite time in a different room of the house.
This bothers me for a couple of reasons:
1. Am I sending them the message that I'm tired of them or that I don't love them anymore come 6:00?
2. I feel like our family is run in shifts instead of the ideal partnership that I had always envisioned when I thought about being a parent.
3. My husband works so hard so I can stay at home with kids. Isn't it totally unfair of me to ask him to work all day only to come home and take over my job the second he walks through the door?
Casey has only recently taken his at-home business to an office so this is fairly new for me. We used to all be home all day and so dinner and bedtime was merely an extension of seeing each other all day long. Now, I feel like I get about an hour with him after the kids go to bed and we're both too exhausted to get into meaningless chit-chat about the comings and goings of our day.
How do you and your family handle this? I think I just need some other "Mom perspective" to make me feel like this is normal or a way to cope with it better.
I love my job! I get to be the first-hand observer of my kids' learning and growing everyday and maybe even play a part in that learning. I love that my daughter's favorite thing to do right now is to have me sit and do 200 piece Princess puzzles with her. Rory just likes to find me in the middle of the laundry room and bear hug my legs. I couldn't imagine a more rewarding paycheck at any job.
But...(did you see that coming?) why is it that when my husband walks in the door, all I want to do is the proverbial kid hand-off and go have some quite time in a different room of the house.
This bothers me for a couple of reasons:
1. Am I sending them the message that I'm tired of them or that I don't love them anymore come 6:00?
2. I feel like our family is run in shifts instead of the ideal partnership that I had always envisioned when I thought about being a parent.
3. My husband works so hard so I can stay at home with kids. Isn't it totally unfair of me to ask him to work all day only to come home and take over my job the second he walks through the door?
Casey has only recently taken his at-home business to an office so this is fairly new for me. We used to all be home all day and so dinner and bedtime was merely an extension of seeing each other all day long. Now, I feel like I get about an hour with him after the kids go to bed and we're both too exhausted to get into meaningless chit-chat about the comings and goings of our day.
How do you and your family handle this? I think I just need some other "Mom perspective" to make me feel like this is normal or a way to cope with it better.
Labels: Casey
posted by Carly O'Quinn at
8:41 PM
4 Comments:
I've thought and felt all of those same things. It really helped when Neal and I sat down and talked about what is going to happen when he walks in the door. I told him that I wanted to take my job as seriously as he does his. That I want him to be excited about coming home and seeing us and not constantly wondering what shape I would be in when he opened the door. He let me know that he doesn't mind taking over most nights with the boys, that he wants to hang with them and understands my need to take a bath and have some quiet time, or just have some time off and be able to say "ask Daddy". I asked him to let me know when he was too wiped out to take over, so he wouldn't be mad when I expected him to do bath time. Also, we decided that he is the main parent that puts the boys to bed. I'm with them so much, they enjoy that time with Daddy (and he sings cooler songs than me)!
As far as feeling like your family runs in shifts, I feel the same way, but I honestly think that this season when they are young will just be like that. I think it's good to make an effort to have those special family times when you are all together, and you are good at doing that.
I've been learning that it is so important for Neal and I to communicate, communicate, communicate. Not that we have to sit down and talk about something for an hour, but just for me to say I need to get out, or for him to say, I just need to come home and veg. To talk about what we our expectations are for certain circumstances, since I always have them and he is terrible at reading my mind! :)
So, that's my 2 cents at 9:40 at night when I can barely keep my eyes open. We still work on this and I still battle with feeling guilty about it, but I just can't do it all, and that's okay!
So true! Shifts are part of this season! I think it's like that now b/c our kids are young and very needy and go to bed early. That leaves the guys with little time to soak them up! I used to go and find a quiet place until Scott told me he felt that was unfair to all of us. So now I stick around but we take turns with night rituals. One night he will give baths and I will brush teeth, and then the next night we switch. Or if life at home has been stressful then he will take over and vice versa.
I also let me kids watch a movie around 4:30 or 5. That allows some quiet time and gives me some time to cook or pick up. That always makes me feel happier! We all go through it! It's hard for us b/c our job is never over but we are so glad to have the extra help @6. SOme days I live for that moment, "Kids, daddy's home!"
Amen sister! I feel the same way and I definitely agree with Lindsay and Carrie. We are at a season in our lives where we must take shifts with our husbands. Praise the Lord that we have husbands that are willing to help out!! I often feel like I am on a wrestling team and I "tag" Steve when I am exhausted and need him to take over. Then when I'm feeling ready to conquer it all, I'll "tag" myself back in. :) I don't think we will always feel this way...when our children are in school and we are wondering what we will do with our time, then we will think back to the days where we stayed in pajamas until 3:00 pm, yelled at our husbands "Can you just DO IT for me for once???", and put the kids to bed at 7:00 b/c we couldn't deal with it...we miss somehow miss the craziness and long for our babies to be "babies" once again.
Don't ever feel guilty for needing a break. I strongly feel that I am a better mom when I get away for a bit and just breathe!
Ditto! We feel the same way at Casa Fox! I wish we had an answer. It is so good to read all the other comments and know I'm not alone. Hang in there and try to find joy in everyday.
AND, leave your kiddos and your house for a couple of hours every week! My mom's ob actually told her this back in the 70's and we try our best to stick to it. Even if it means 'my' time is at the grocery early on a Sat. morning!
On another thought, how did you get to cool slide show? I'll give you our address if you'll share! j/k our address is
bugsmommy.blogspot.com
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