Just Be.
I have noticed lately that I have a really hard time being still and quiet. It's ironic because those are the two traits that I'm constantly trying to encourage my children to have. Stillness. Quiet.
So why is it that when I have even the briefest of moments where I don't have to be doing something...I feel the need to jump on the phone or the computer? I even wish that I was a reader sometimes because at least it would allow my brain to be somewhere else other than existing in the on-going to-do list in my head. I've noticed just how bad I've gotten at it lately. When I wake up, I flip on the tv to "check the weather". But then it stays on for the Today Show. When my kids get up, they want to watch cartoons and have breakfast. Everyone is running around trying to get themselves together for the day. Casey goes off to work and I start in on my dishes, laundry, etc. By the time I find a stopping point...it's lunchtime, naptime, dinnertime, bedtime. For me (these days especially) my bedtime is about 30 minutes behind my kids'. Just long enough to take out my contacts, wash my face and prepare the 6 pillows that it takes for me to get comfortable! When I decide to spend the day running errands, I've typically spent the hour prior telling the kids to stop dilly-dallying and do what I asked.
Maggie has thrown out the occasional, "Are we in a hurry?" Unfortunately most of the time we are because what I know should only take 5 minutes takes my family 20. But for those times when we aren't in a hurry, I still want them to put their shoes on when I ask not after Sleeping Beauty and Jasmine take a ride in their Corvette! Rory is the worst because he dawdles with a little smile on his face like he hasn't a care in the world, and let's face it...he doesn't! Except for his nagging mommy telling him to get a move on.
We finally get to the car and this is when they want to exhibit complete and total independence. Getting into their car seats by themselves, buckling themselves in...all at a snails pace.
Patience, Lord. I need patience.
Then they both start chiming in about watching a movie (which, let's face it, keeps them quiet and entertained for the duration of the car ride) and I typically use this time to talk on my phone and catch up with those people who I think about often but never get to just sit and talk with.
Last night, Rory came into my room 2 hours after Casey had put him to bed and I was all settled in ready to try and fall asleep myself. Nothing was wrong, he just couldn't sleep and instead of my usual, "Buddy, you have to go and get back in your bed" course of action, it hit me that he was only going to be my baby for 11 more days. He climbed in and we just snuggled for about 45 minutes.
I so want my children to know that they are absolutely the MOST important things in my life and I know that by constantly telling them to "hold on" or "in just a minute" or "after I do X" is not sending them that message. And for myself not to feel restless in silence and unnerved by just sitting and being still...
I want to just. be.
With Casey, with my kids. Just be.
So today, I asked Maggie what SHE wanted to spend the day doing. It's all a part of my "Countdown to baby, make my two oldest feel loved" campaign. She said that she wanted to pack a lunch and go to the park. What a perfect idea! What a beautiful day it was. And when the kids were playing on the slide and I typically would have sat on a bench and hopped on my cell...I didn't. I just watched and waved and cheered. I know that I have such a small window of opportunity to let my kids know how much I love them and I am working at being a better and more attentive mom. It's hard. But I'm determined (with God's help, of course) to do it!
So why is it that when I have even the briefest of moments where I don't have to be doing something...I feel the need to jump on the phone or the computer? I even wish that I was a reader sometimes because at least it would allow my brain to be somewhere else other than existing in the on-going to-do list in my head. I've noticed just how bad I've gotten at it lately. When I wake up, I flip on the tv to "check the weather". But then it stays on for the Today Show. When my kids get up, they want to watch cartoons and have breakfast. Everyone is running around trying to get themselves together for the day. Casey goes off to work and I start in on my dishes, laundry, etc. By the time I find a stopping point...it's lunchtime, naptime, dinnertime, bedtime. For me (these days especially) my bedtime is about 30 minutes behind my kids'. Just long enough to take out my contacts, wash my face and prepare the 6 pillows that it takes for me to get comfortable! When I decide to spend the day running errands, I've typically spent the hour prior telling the kids to stop dilly-dallying and do what I asked.
Maggie has thrown out the occasional, "Are we in a hurry?" Unfortunately most of the time we are because what I know should only take 5 minutes takes my family 20. But for those times when we aren't in a hurry, I still want them to put their shoes on when I ask not after Sleeping Beauty and Jasmine take a ride in their Corvette! Rory is the worst because he dawdles with a little smile on his face like he hasn't a care in the world, and let's face it...he doesn't! Except for his nagging mommy telling him to get a move on.
We finally get to the car and this is when they want to exhibit complete and total independence. Getting into their car seats by themselves, buckling themselves in...all at a snails pace.
Patience, Lord. I need patience.
Then they both start chiming in about watching a movie (which, let's face it, keeps them quiet and entertained for the duration of the car ride) and I typically use this time to talk on my phone and catch up with those people who I think about often but never get to just sit and talk with.
Last night, Rory came into my room 2 hours after Casey had put him to bed and I was all settled in ready to try and fall asleep myself. Nothing was wrong, he just couldn't sleep and instead of my usual, "Buddy, you have to go and get back in your bed" course of action, it hit me that he was only going to be my baby for 11 more days. He climbed in and we just snuggled for about 45 minutes.
I so want my children to know that they are absolutely the MOST important things in my life and I know that by constantly telling them to "hold on" or "in just a minute" or "after I do X" is not sending them that message. And for myself not to feel restless in silence and unnerved by just sitting and being still...
I want to just. be.
With Casey, with my kids. Just be.
So today, I asked Maggie what SHE wanted to spend the day doing. It's all a part of my "Countdown to baby, make my two oldest feel loved" campaign. She said that she wanted to pack a lunch and go to the park. What a perfect idea! What a beautiful day it was. And when the kids were playing on the slide and I typically would have sat on a bench and hopped on my cell...I didn't. I just watched and waved and cheered. I know that I have such a small window of opportunity to let my kids know how much I love them and I am working at being a better and more attentive mom. It's hard. But I'm determined (with God's help, of course) to do it!
posted by Carly O'Quinn at
1:23 PM
2 Comments:
I've been having those same thoughts all day today! I sit down to nurse or when the boys are all asleep and think I need to jump on the phone or internet (like I'm doing now!) and I realize it's okay to sit quietly and soak in the moments with my kids that I know are all too fleeting. I'm with you on trying to learn how to "just be", I think it's something we have to be deliberate about.
What will Rory choose to do when it's his turn to choose?
We are all like that Carly. It's a good reminder to read your post. I love how you let them pick what THEY wanted to do today. I am constantly dragging my two around doing what I have to get done. Thanks for the reminder of how I should be more often.
p.s. does Rory buckle himself also???
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